I’ve created life! LIFE!

Bwa ha ha ha…

Found By: Scott

Loveliest comment, by mudslicker: Apparently the swordfish/marlin couldn’t stand it either.

Sorry, kitty, but the rules clearly state that you must be in a hotel in order to qualify for true Bed Jump status. (Warning: Bed Jump link might not be Safe For Work, depending on what your work is.)

Found By: Tawny

That’s “Sparkly Forks” as in “It’s About Forks, Washington, and I’m Thinking About Sparkles,” not as in… uh… this:

Oyster fork used, because I have so much savoir-faire it’s un-freaking-believable. Anyway. Behold! Forks! And the surrounding area!

So… close… just a little bit further and I’ll get that fern…

“If you are looking for a getaway… this may be the one for you,” says the listing for this cozy little home. Which is true, but still: is it wise to advertise hideyholes so publicly? Or are they hoping that Police Chief Swan doesn’t have Internet access?

Moving on. Yes, some people especially people who live in Arizona and write novels set in places they’ve never visited think that Forks is the rainiest town in the USA. But look! The sun! It comes out! Sometimes. Okay, fair enough, not that often. In fact, it comes out so rarely that when it does the local real estate frantically take photos of it.

Behold! The sun! *sparkles*

Finally:

My, my. What a delightful three bedroom, three bathroom house you have for sale. I’ll take one, stick my kids in the other, and my husband can take the third one to work every day, kinda like this:

Linkedy-linkedy-linkedy-link.

P.S. If you don’t know why I’m doing an entry about Forks and sparkly things, just ask your local teenager. Me, I’ll be at the movie theater very very soon, swooning away (and not just because I’m going out beforehand with my good pal Vitamin R).

Dear Reader,

You can help a raccoon in distress. Or you can turn the page.

For just pennies a day, you can provide a raccoon with a hardhat, a Kevlar vest, and pepper spray — the minimum of tools needed for an animal living in such perilous surroundings.

Won’t you give now? Please donate to the Help Me Oh My God Please Help Me I’m a Raccoon and I’m Surrounded by Bears Fund.

Our masked friends thank you.

Found By: Christina P

Loveliest comment, by JMixx:
Muhuhahahahaha! *twirls mustache menacingly*

I didn’t even kill and stuff my trophy! I have a CAPTIVE, LIVE philodendron in my den, staring longingly out the window at his wild brethren! Meanwhile, the Ficus paces restlessly in the dining room…

Well, yes, there’s a dog sitting on the sideboard, which is sort of odd. But it’s a dead dog, and that makes it all okay.

(Found by Leslie. WARNING VERY LOUD MAN SPEAKING VERY LOUDLY IN A LOUD VOICE THAT MAKES ME THINK OF THE ROAD ADVISORIES I LISTEN TO BEFORE DRIVING OVER THE MOUNTAIN PASSES DURING WINTER.)