Brilliant! You get one fan turning counterclockwise to create cool air over by the closet; another fan turning clockwise by the stairs to form a warm front moving in; and voila! An interior tornado, just right for pulling stubborn dirt and stains out of your rug!

I’m not sure what the third fan is for — that seems a little silly. Plus I’m unsure about the purpose of the dwarf mine elevator.

But oooh! While looking up mine elevators to see if they had some fancy name I could casually slip in (MERLONS!), I found this amazing page. Check out these illustrations! I wonder if the Mine Safety and Health Administration would mind if I took a few? I’m sure they wouldn’t. They seem like a lighthearted bunch.

this can’t be good

not sure what the problem is here

whee I can fly wheee

OK, this has absolutely nothing to do with real estate. Sorry. Maybe I need to do spin-off blog of illustrations from official U.S. Department of Labor publications. Your tax dollars at work, Mr. and Mrs. America!

Found By: Karen H

Loveliest comment, by Isis: So why is the mine elevator filled with fortune cookies?

All I can think of is the poor person who has to dust it. Each leaf, individually caressed with a Swiffer.

*achoo*

Anyway, if I went to this listing’s open house I’d be so tempted to sneak in little… special bits of foliage. Maybe pick up some nice vines from the Lost prop sale, for example, or see if I can find a cheery Triffid or two. Maybe a nice wreath of poison ivy for the cranky bust over on the right?

P.S. Look! It’s Chair’s Italian-Canadian cousins!
Found By: Jennifer G

Loveliest comment, by Linnee: This house is perfect for a Hyacinth Bucket (boo-kay) Indoor-Outdoor Candlelight Supper!

“Okay, let’s put up a cross to keep the eeevil spirits out. Well, maybe one more, the first one might not work. How about this one? This one? Maybe this one will do it… Oh, screw it, nail them all up there. Done!”

Found By: Vance B

Loveliest comment (excerpt), by Land of shimp: “I can’t help but think, ‘EEEEEK! What the hell does that one wall do in the dead of night?!?’”

Yes, you might think it would be difficult to get your kids to fall asleep if they had a bedroom as awesome as this one. Boing boing boing from bed to bed, right? But no. Because they know that if they’re bad little boys and girls, they get taken to sleep in this room:

Not a peep, I tell you, not a single peep comes from the kids’ room. Nighty-night!

(Found By: Colleen)

And the best thing? If you lick the walls, they taste like grape Hubba Bubba.

Submitted By: Nicole B

The craziest thing? This is the mud room.

Found By: Juliette. Note: not actually the mud room, as far as I know. And aren’t you impressed that — for once — I made it through a New Zealand listing without mentioning Flight of the Concords? Oh… crap.

P.S. OK, it isn’t New Zealand, it’s California, and I have no idea why I thought it was New Zealand, other than that I’m usually drunk as a skunk when I write these. My apologies.

No, I don’t know why I have insomnia. I just sometimes get this feeling like someone’s… watching me.

Yeah, them…

Specifically, that guy right there. A little privacy, please? Jesus!

(Found by Nicole.)

What you can’t see: the Scottish ninja camouflaged on the ceiling, waiting to drop on the next person to walk through the swinging doors.

(Found by Chris. Warning: music. The kind of music they play on the TV while showing “Weather around the USA!”)

Sure, this house Heather found looks cool at first glance. But do you know how much it’ll cost to get a contractor to repair the laser damage from the Y-wing? And I thought getting popcorn ceilings removed was going to be bad…

(Thanks to burhanistan for stopping me from really embarrassing myself with a spacecraft misidentification. X-wing? What was I smoking?)

Behind this bland exterior lurks…

… the best darn room for a toddler’s birthday party ever! Yeah! Somebody cue up the Dan Zanes CD, it’s time for Pin the Magnetic Tail on the Whatever the Hell that is!

(Found by Solvi.)