Archive for the 'Minnesota' Category

(Edit: Modesty Chair inserted to protect the innocent. Click on the photo above to see all the glory.)

These aren’t from my house, I promise, but I swear, if my kids complain ONE MORE TIME about the dinner that I made for them, I am going to GO OFF THE DEEP END AND I’M TAKING THE HOUSE WITH ME. I can just picture some poor Minnesotan housewife at the sink, scrubbing the dishes after serving hotdish that she slaved over and once again nobody said “thank you” or carried their plates to the counter or appreciated her in any way and so she reached down to the spray paint she’d originally bought to touch up the rust spots on the patio furniture and clinka-clinka-clinka PSSSSSTTTTTTTTT RUN KIDS RUN MAMA’S GOT THE SPRAY PAINT RUN

Found by: Gabe

Loveliest comment, by Quark: I get the impresssion that there is a turf-war going on in that house … and it’s not with what cutlery and pans go in which drawers.

Top Tips for Real Estate Agents: a Year-End List

(in which I reuse old posts for educational purposes)

1. Flush the toilet.

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2. Put your pants back on before taking the photo.

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3. Clean up if the house isn’t in good shape. Vaseline on the lens is not the answer.

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4. Look, we presume there’s a toilet. We don’t need to see it.

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5. No, really. “Pants on” is a pretty basic rule when it comes to real estate agents at work.

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6. New toilets don’t cost that much. Maybe you should buy one, if they’re that important to you.

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7. Keep the photos relevant. I’m sure your pets are charming but, unless they transfer, don’t include them in the listing.

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8. How’s this for a compromise: include a photo of the toilet only if it’s not where one might logically expect to find it.

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9. You’re going to keep on using toilet photos, aren’t you? I give up. Is there a support group you could join? Maybe you should start one. You could meet here:

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Thanks for an excellent year, real estate agents! I couldn’t do it without you. And remember…

10. …it never hurts to include a photo of Chair.

Should I even bother trying to come up with a Uristat joke, or is that just too obscure?

Found By: Megan

Forgot to take your contacts out last night, did you?

Found by: Gabe

Loveliest comment, by Fanboy Wife: No, no, this is really how the house looks. Their interior designer was an Impressionist.

Hah! That should keep the pesky canvassers away. No, I don’t have a minute for Greenpeace! No, I am not interested in buying your cookies! No, I am not interested in what will happen to my eternal soul! And no, I do not need new windows installed! I would slam the door… if I had one.

Found By: Gabe

Loveliest comment, by DaveTheTallGuy: It also says it’s a low rise with “-3″ levels. Perhaps the whole property exists in some sci-fi dimension, and you can only see the windows from the other side. Just don’t put it near a building with +3 levels, or they will cancel each other out and become a vacant lot.

So when I was all, “Pants! People are putting pants in their windows!” some people were all, “no, it’s just a way of keeping out drafts, I do that all the time, that’s totally normal, this listing is fine, what’s wrong with you, go find a gross toilet for us to look at” (at least that’s how I remember things). So… HERE. UNDERWEAR. I think we can all agree that this is UNDERWEAR. Yes? UNDERWEAR.

Found By: Amy

Loveliest comment, by mindless minion: That’s my kitchen! But whose underwear is that?

Oh, Chair, I’m glad to see you’re finally getting some help. You’d sunk so low…

(Found By: Sean J)

Relax. Breath deeply. Be one with the universe. Meditate on the calm blankness of this listing Amanda found. The real estate agent within me honors the real estate agent within you.

Hey, Trin? There’s something someone wanted you to know, but was too shy to tell you in person so instead he wrote it on a wall, listed the house for sale, made sure Cathy would find it and send it to me, and hoped you would see it here.

Sorry, Trin. That’s a tough way to find out. And on St. Valentine’s Day, too.

Charity found this listing, in her neighborhood. I know very little about motorcycles, but I’m pretty certain they’re supposed to have two wheels. Or is this a motorized unicycle? Man, I’d love to see that. Vrooom!