Archive for the 'Michigan' Category

So, the neighbors have a new shed. Eh. No biggie.

What’s that? It has a retractable roof? Is this actually the Mariners’ bullpen?

AHHHH! IT’S A LASER GUN! THE NEIGHBORS GOT A LASER GUN! EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! I’M SO SORRY I ASKED YOU TO BUY FUNDRAISING COOKIE DOUGH I WON’T DO IT AGAIN PLEASE DON’T SHOOT ME AAAAAHHHHHH

*pew pew pew*

Found by: Metz

“Two story waterfall and volcano, liquor license could be available, many possible uses, campground, day care, restaurant,” says the listing.

Volcano + liquor license = my kind of daycare, hell yeah! Where do I enroll?

Found by: emlymai

Loveliest comment, by Lisa: Two-story volcano…rumble…..three-story volcano….rumble….four-story volcano….

Once again, something grim to start your week off with! This one  is perfect for those of you who find people a bit too much to deal with (and who don’t care about, say, dying in a fire).

Found By: Colleen

Loveliest comment, by anodean: Day 17, ZA

I’ve moved all available food stores into a vacant house I found on a pre- apocalypse real estate listing. Indistinguishable from its neighbors, it turns out to have been internally fortified – and with nothing to have attracted human habitation here since long before the Zombies came, I have at last a safe refuge from which to evaluate my situation.

This might look like a sensible two-bed, one-bath home — but no. It is a sign of the End Times. As proof, I offer you a snippet from a documentary about how to recognize a looming Apocalypse:

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Found by: Joan

Loveliest comment, by Angel: As it happens, the end times were not exactly as predicted. While humans were eradicated from the earth, dogs and cats took over the world and lived peacefully together in a playful world filled with catnip and milkbones and single-payer veterinary care.

This patriotic montage listing states that the house has “an outbuilding that could very easily be converted into a pool house (and the addition of an in-ground pool).” And I’d be the Queen of Georgia, if I lived in Georgia and were its queen.

Found by: Teresa

Don’t worry: it’s not mold. Remain calm. It’s just a mold-like substance. There are many things that are mold-like but that aren’t bad, such as… well, this!

In this case, the “appropriate action” is to join in a chorus of “I Love Trash.”

And here’s another substance that not only is mold-like, it contains actual mold. Do you see anyone running for the hills? No, you do not. You see people running for the crackers. That’s the appropriate action.

Here’s another mold-like substance:

If you encounter this, again, remember: take appropriate action. In this situation, the appropriate action is to round up the posse and call up the crew, five bucks at the door and you bring your own booze, call your neighbors ’cause they can come too, be sure and bring your records ’cause I only got a few… So… yeah… what was I saying? Anyway. Action. Appropriate. Take it. And pass the crackers.

Found by: Teresa

Poll time!

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How about this one?

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[poll id="6"]

Dedroom found by Annie; fishroom found by Metz; motorshelf found by Jennifer.

Loveliest comment, by Wraith: Great room, or GREATEST room?

What should I make for dinner, kids? Kids? What would you like? Would you like noodles? Mac and cheese? Rice and beans? Kids? Please answer me. Dear, do you have an opinion? Would anyone like to express an opinion on what they want to eat for dinner? FINE I’LL JUST TAKE SOME #%$(!#$ FOOD AND SHOVE IT IN THE #%$(!#$ FIRE AND WE’LL JUST EAT WHATEVER FOR DINNER AND YOU’LL LIKE IT

Loveliest comment, by Tacomagic: I saw something similar to this once. My sister and I were lost in a forest and came upon a house made entirely of candy. Turns out this nice old lady lived there and invited us in. She had one of those in the kitchen and it turned out that it wasn’t very safe at all.

Shhhh. Don’t disturb the toilet — it’s all tuckered out. And just thank your lucky stars you weren’t sitting on it when the narcolepsy hit…

Found By: Colleen

Loveliest comment, by TacoMagic: Funny thing is, this happened to my toilet once.

I was in Texas at a chili cook off… and I think I’ll end the story there actually.

Ahh, nothing livens up a listing like a few bouquets of .50 Browning machine gun cartridges. Don’t forget to stop and smell the primer…

Found By: Eric J

Loveliest comment, by Michael: I think I know this level. If you run up to the door to get the health, a giant red Cacodemon comes out from the back of the balcony.