Villainous Starter Home
This house can be yours for… three quarter of a million dollars! Bwa ha ha… ha.. ha… *cough cough cough* This makes me wonder. When I bought my house, I had to have a big talk with the insurance company about what kind of wiring it had, where the nearest fire hydrant was, and how many neighboring houses would plunge into ours in the event of a landslide. How do you explain to your insurance agent that your house is, in fact, LOCATED IN THE CONE OF A VOLCANO? How does the conversation go after you say that? I imagine it’s a bit more involved than admitting that you need to give the living room an earthquake retrofit, and that was awkward enough for me.
Found By: Katt T.
And I ask you, because my head is full of phlegm: three quarter of a million? three quarters of a million? three-quarter million? I’ve stared at it too long and now none of them look right. 750 big ones!
Loveliest comment, and it was not easy to chose, by Ruth (excerpt): Caveat aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrggggg
“Three quarters of a million…”
And, that place does not look adequate – not enough space for the minions. If you’re an evil genius, you’ve gotta have minions.
The minions are kept in the massive, underground, volcanic lair below. Most people refer to the place as hell, but I call it my basement.
And when the listing says “Status: Active”, does that mean…
RUN.
I nominate this as being the most awesome one-word-response comment -ever-.
Let’s say that the house was NOT, in fact, located right-the-hell on the lip of a volcano. A VOLCANO.
Let’s pretend the volcano just isn’t there.
Anybody check out the rest of the pictures? This $750K house is located in the middle of freakin’ NOWHERE. Just what is the impetus supposed to be to buy this place?
“Your new home is impressively located miles from anything, perilously dangling mere inches from the gaping maw of a volcano.” “Honey, stop the car!”
OMG, I just choked on my coffee! LMAO!
When you’re an evil mastermind, you pay cash and don’t worry about insurance.
Lake?! The only source of fresh water out there is likely to be the wastewater from the house itself. Eeeeewwwww.
Love the satellite image. That really shows you where it is in relation to… er… a road. Possibly.
It’s not a road, it’s a game trail. But the locals refer to it as ‘the super-duper-mega highway’. Sadly, there’s no game trail entrance near the house.
I see problems. Only 2 bed/bath? Not enough room. Oh never mind *that* where would I put my herd of dairy goats? No barn?
Is it me, or does the “guest house” look remarkably like a gas station?
It’s not just you. It looks like an attendant should be shuffling around outside, prepared to render your windshield even dirtier, just by glancing at it.
On the upside, you’d definitely know that the pizza delivery guy was lying his butt off if he claimed to be lost. It’s the only thing with any elevation for miles.
This reminds me of something straight out of Lost. Included: Dishwasher, EIK, computer that you have to punch numbers into ever hour to keep the volcano from exploding…
It looks like the nipple on a big gray boob.
Thank you! I was really worried that no one was going to point out that the house is a nipple!
How do you get a permit to build on top of a cinder cone?
Under the heading, Nearby Similar Listings, it says “No similar listings could be found.” Really, there are no nearby round 3-bedroom houses on top of volcanoes? What a surprise.
And the list of comps….? Ah, no.
The overhead is wrong… it has a red outline around an area NORTH of the actual house. I had to use Google Earth to find the actual house. Based on the style, and location, it looks like a great place for a a “Hollywood type” to stop with his posse of prostitutes picked up in Vegas and spend a week doing blow – it is almost implicit that this house saw blonde chicks in crochet bikinis and lots of cocaine during the 70s.
In case you’re an evil mad scientist in search of a mountaintop lair from which to plot world domination.
Oh, like you’re not.
Sacrifice to the volcanic gods right in your own backyard!
Heck, just toss ‘em off the front porch! “You’re late, Ms. Virgin!” *Push!*
XD
-best comment-
Am I the only one who thinks this place is kind of awesome? You know, in an utterly inconvenient, desolate sort of way…
I like it too but I grew up in a semiarid location. The best part is that I could safely say, “Wildfires, wildshmires.” There is absolutely nothing to burn out there.
As a geologist I totally want to live there. And considering you get 60 acres with a guest house (that is far enough away that the guests can’t bother you), I think the price is reasonable.
At first glance I was reminded of the mud/dirt sculptures we used to build as really bored kids….”OK, I’ll scoop up the mound of dirt into a cone, while you draw a road for the matchbox car, then we’ll stick a plastic spaceship on top…now for the evil minion characters…”
It doesn’t specify “inactive” or “dormant” volcano, does it?
Just “small volcanic cone”.
Caveat aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrggggg
And that, boys and girls, is why we always hire a licensed inspector before we buy a house.
Does anyone else really SEE this? I mean. It just smells of aliens waiting for just the right moment to finish their research and… this house is a spaceship, not very well disguised! Wonder what planet it’s from?
That place is made of retro awesomeness. It is the perfect place for Matt Helm to hang out.
And what a view. I love the desert and there is plenty of that to love.
And the price is quite reasonable when you think a poor condition 1 bedroom with no yard in LA’s South Central goes for a quarter mil. Had I the down payment, I would grab it in a minute.
cat
gotta admit, no grass to mow…
And real lava lamps.
Oh, wait — skip the lamps — but, Real Lava!
Uh… I hadn’t thought of that.
three-quarters of a million.
It should be hyphenated because they are part of the unit of measure. And the “s” because err of the “of” ….I guess. Its three-quarter length sleeve but normally three-quarters of a million… but I’m Canadian so that might just be Canadian/UK English=))
PS is the lake on the property or just near it. Also the building at the base of the hill? What’s that, the garage? You have to hike up? Would it be feasible to keep a couple of camels?
I think that’s the real house. The “guest” house is the round thing on the volcano.
Oooh… oooh… I know what the “other room” is in the listing. It’s a radio room, constantly sending out beacons for UFOs and extraterrestrials.
But on the other hand, I want it. Talk about living on the edge!
If you do bid for this, you’ll be up against every Bond villain ever imagined as well as the Evil Overlord.
Hell no, if you buy this house, which you can’t, because it is mine, mine, mine!!!111!!! you will not be up “against every Bond villain ever imagined” for instead, you will BE the Bond villain! Only you won’t, because *I* am the Ultimate Bond Villain. Or I will be, once I get the fireplace going in that awesome conversation pit in the center of my Buckminster Fuller-inspired dome house, located in the middle of a lake in the middle of a volcanic dome. There we will groove to retro-60s villain music (Track one: “Golddigger” by Supreme Beings of Leisure, Track two: “Scorpio Theme Song” from the Simpsons) and dine on fondue. I will gently stroke the fur on the back of my cat’s neck and opine that if you hadn’t discounted the possibility that I, the Ultimate Bond Villain would be a middle-aged woman, you wouldn’t have wandered in on my obviously fraudulent “Open House” trap (it’s obviousness was the clever ruse at the center) and now be strapped to the table with that laser beam aimed at your crotch. But alas for you, you *did* wander in, and now, before you die, I’ll let you listen in while I call the United Nations Security Council and inform them that I have the Ultimate Weapon of Mass Destruction: the 30-year Interest Only Adjustable Rate Mortgage on a $750,000 home!!! Yes, just such a device brought the United States, Japan, yea, the World to it’s knees before, and I will use it again!!! Bwaahahahahahaha!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
YES! I control your financial institutions utterly and completely, Mr. Bond. From my villainous lair atop the center of my personal volcano. I just can’t stop saying that enough. Bwah, bwah bwahahahahaha!
I love your thinking! May I be your henchman…er, henchwoman? I love cats!
I’m thinking with the wonderous name of Denita TwoDragons you will be my girlfriend, whom I will offer oh so generously, to James Bond the night before I execute him.
As long as it’s Sean Connery-era Bond! Rawr!
I don’t think I have what it takes to be a hench(wo)man but if you have need of a minion or toady, I’m your gal.
This looks like some sort of astronomical observatory.
Actually, it looks like the planetarium (spelling?) of the university where I study!
Just compare: http://www.planetarios.org.br/imagens/Planetario_SantaMaria.jpg
I suppose it’s really no worse than having a decommissioned missile silo as your house, and having to explain to your insurer that there’s probably still a bunch of doomsday nukes in Siberia aimed at it.
True. Count one’s blessings, and such.
That strikes me as something best left unmentioned.
Looks like a bump on a pimple.
It looks like the weird spaceship-ish home from the Telletubbies. Or am I the only one that thinks that?
You sure this house isn’t in Auckland, New Zealand? Most houses there seem to be built on volcanoes – they’ve got about 50 volcanoes within the city limits, and houses built up the sides of most of ‘em.
Actually, I think this is pretty freakin’ awesome. You know you can keep your minions in the tunnels in the volcano which you reach through an elevator in the core of the house. Minions are used to underground lairs.
No, this isn’t evil genius headquarters. This is aging evil genius winter home. The bad guys can be snowbirds too!
Oh and as a side note: Cinder cones like this only erupt once. They’re one-use volcanoes. So no worries there. Although that does eliminate geothermal as an energy source for evil hobbies.
Single-use volcanoes, in this day and age? How wasteful. You use it once, then you just toss it away… (Cue: crying Indian)
The listing says, “Ultimate privacy”.
Yeah, that’s cause in space, no one can hear you scream.
Actually, this could be the basis for a good romantic comedy. Girl meets guy. Girl thinks he is absolutely too perfect. She then meets his friends and family, who all turn out to be great people. She meets his dog, who absolutely adores him. She mets his co-workers–check! So, with all reservations put to bed, they embark on a whirlwind romance culminating in a Vegas wedding.
Then he takes her to his house.
Er…that’s not a volcano…it’s an ant hill.
Just how tall are you?
THEM!
wow…. I wanna buy it!
It looks great! In photo #7 is that a pool I see? Just the right place for frickin sharks with frickin laser beams attached to their heads! Mwahahahaha! MWAHAHAHAHAA!!!!
Oh, come on. Haven’t we already seen this in Supeman where Lex Luthor’s going to obliterate the entire California coast by creating enough earthquakes so he can monopolize the new coastline where the desert used to be? I’d also like to know just how far you have to drag your garbage can out for pickup.
No need to worry about trash pick-up when you have your own in-house incinerator right there!
WANT!!!
(I am another geologist)
Oh, my. Crazy thing. I lived in that guest house from the ages of 5-8, when my parents mercifully decided to move to someplace with actual seasons. We rented it from some people who wanted someone around to keep people out of the dome house when they were off in their house that didn’t sit on top of a volcanic cone.
The “lake” is only there in the winter months. It’s dry most of the year and even when it’s there it is no more than three feet deep.
However, the listing gushes about “ultimate privacy.” Which is very true. The house really is miles from anything or anyone. On the other hand, there’s plenty of scorpions! Also, there’s nothing quite like cuddling down with your family during a sandstorm.
If you want some first hand insight into how hard to is to get a decent villainous lair built, watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDedpreZH-0
It’s very funny.
So good. So very very good.
This would be a double win for me; first it is so totally awesome that The Boy did his best Dr. Horrible laugh and stated for this house he would actually agree to leave the damp of the Pacific Northwest and second… I have vowed that every New Years Eve I am single I shall sacrifice a virgin* to my lust. Badda bing, badda bow! Use him and toss him into the volcano so that no other woman shall dirty him. Perfect. Plus the Feline Overlord would love the 60 acre sandbox.
*disclaimer: my virgins tend to be 28-35 year old East Indian guys working on their Master or Grad degrees.
I think its time to pop that pimple.
I actually…like this house. I like houses with unique designs. However I think it would be important to note whether or not that volcano is ACTIVE XD It probably isn’t as there really isn’t an active volcano in the continental United States…unless you count Mt. St. Helens or Yellowstone, but you know, neither of those have erupted in quite awhile. It would also be nice if the house wasn’t like, 1,000 miles from the nearest town or whatever it is.
I would buy this immediately if I had the money. A house ON A VOLCANO. I am a volcano FANBOY. And it even looks cool. As a science fiction author, this would be like the absolute greatest house EVAR.
Also, there are several active volcanoes in the continental US, if you count “active” as “has erupted at least once in the last couple hundred years” — because volcano lifetimes measure in the millions, so “erupted in 1780″ is basically “erupted yesterday, could erupt today”.
I think this place was in the Paul Newman movie, “Harper” as the headquarters of a cult (which might not make it more sellable).
Ok, I’m really angry now.
Tolkien NEVER mentioned that Frodo built a vacation house on Mount Doom after he so reluctantly throw the ring in fire…
Didn’t they use that place as a set for an episode of Man from U.N.C.L.E.?
MojoJojo’s summer home.