Archive for July, 2009

Make s’mores in bed!

Have heart-to-heart discussions in the intimate conversation nook!

All this could be yours for just US$1,600 a month! Call now! Or not.

(Found by Ashling.)

What? Nothing wrong here.

Nope, just an apartment.

Ho hum…

AAAAHHHHH WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE

For disbelievers: really. Here it is. I’ve recently had a few people express disbelief that some of these photos are really from listings. But they are, they really truly are, and that’s what makes the world such a wonderful place. Sometimes the listing has been taken down or changed by the time I get it posted, but the photos I use are all snagged — by me — from actual real estate listings. Cross my heart.

(Jake sent this to You Suck at Craigslist, who thoughtfully passed it along to me.)

Which is better? With?

Or without?

(“With” found by Anna.)

It’s the first Hawaiian loveliness, found by Allon! And it finds me deeply confused. I’ve never been to Hawaii, so I don’t know… but is this normal? Like, the same way that people in other states have dog houses, Hawaiians have small-scale pig farms?

I’m presuming pig farms are standard, because there’s no explicit mention of it in the listing… and it does seem like something you might want to point out. It goes a bit beyond the “Oh, I thought you knew the pool table wasn’t included” homebuying confusion I’m used to.

Whoooooo. I’m back from the BlogHer convention and I must still be a wee bit drunk because as far as I can tell, this listing Joanne found shows one of those overstuffed sofas, just right for watching Beverly Hills 90210 while wearing your high-waist jeans and drinking Orbitz, and the sofa is leaning against a wall, and that can’t be right. So carry on without me. I’ll be right back after a wee lie-down. On the ceiling.

I used to be one of those people who could never find her keys, but now I have a system. When I walk through the door I put my wallet and phone on the table, my keys in the big bowl, and right by the door I…

HELP ME

CAN’T STOP LAYING CARPET

CARPET MUST GO EVERYWHERE

I’VE ALREADY CARPETED THE LIVING ROOM, THE BEDROOMS, THE HALLWAY, AND THE CATS

NOW I MUST CARPET THE BATHROOM

EVERYTHING MUST BE CARPETED

COME BACK HERE

I MUST CARPET YOU

CAAARRRRRPEEEETTTTTT

(Found by Danielle.)

Admittedly Jane’s letter opener (seen on the wall, above) is a bit on the excessive side… but you should see what she uses for a fondue fork.

(Found by Anna.)

Never point directly at the portrait of Uncle Jim.

Never allow your head to be higher than the portrait of Uncle Jim.

Never turn your back to the portrait of Uncle Jim.

Speak in quiet, reverent tones when in front of the portrait of Uncle Jim.

Do not look directly at the portrait of Uncle Jim.

Honor Uncle Jim in all your deeds and thoughts throughout the day.

(Found by Danielle.)

I wilt in hot weather, and humidity makes me cry… so I’m off to Chicago! If you’re at the BlogHer convention, please find me and say hello. I’ll be the one with no social skills pretending that no, I didn’t really want to mingle, I’ll just stand here and stare at the wall happily, tra la la…

Comment moderation is going to be even slower than usual the next few days. Sorry. Bigots and spammers are why we can’t have nice things.

Wish you were there,
Sara

P.S. Home now. Here are a few quick notes on the conference.